Gaslighting and reactive abuse are very important topics to know and understand.

So just what is reactive abuse?

It’s basically when you react to abuse. When you react to gaslighting, manipulation, the silent treatment or other abusive tactics, the way you react to it is reactive abuse. How you handle yourself is why it’s called reactive abuse. If someone is giving you abuse and you react to it in a negative way — passive aggressively, yelling, giving the silent treatment, being emotionally reactive, guilt, shame — all of these things are the same stuff the abuser is giving you.

This is reactive abuse.

You received abuse and instead of handling it yourself with self soothing and self parenting, your wound or insecurity was triggered and you then reacted negatively. It’s important to remember that the way you react can be abuse, as well.

It’s very important to learn the difference between reacting and responding. A lot of the reason people throw things at you is because of their own defense mechanism in order to get what they want or to handle their own emotions. Not being able to handle your own emotions also is a symptom of not getting what you want.

They may lay it on thicker to get a reaction from you because your reaction will justify in their mind that you are the problem or the crazy one. Although they lit the fire, they will not own…