Why a Narcissist Does NOT Hoover

If you are just coming out of a relationship with someone who you think might have NPD, I am sure your head is spinning. You are most likely reading articles and watching videos trying to make sense of what you are going through.

Since you know nothing about narcissism or what you have been dealing with, this whole process can be hard to grasp and even hurtful.

The first thing to remember when you are dealing with hoovering from an abuser is that you were not in a healthy relationship.

Normal healthy relationships do not end the byways of cheating or lying. You do not experience manipulation, gaslighting, verbal abuse, insults, passive-aggressive behavior, silent treatments, or someone praising you regularly only to start tearing you down the next day.

Yes, people fall out of love, and relationships can fall apart, but even semi-healthy relationships do not go from 0–60. You do not see prince charming one day and then are faced with a monster the next.

As you are coming out of this relationship, you need to understand that what you were feeling is not what the other person was feeling. That itself is a hard and hurtful pill to swallow. The relationship you were in was not the same relationship the other person was in.
The term hoovering is a fancy word for “let me attempt a few…